Yesterday, after bursting into inconsolable crying several times in my beloved’s arms, I finally lay down exhausted against her chest. Then she gently asked: “Do you know what the dark night of the soul means? “Yes, I know.” “You’re going through it now.”

I had heard about the dark night of the soul, that is, about how people go through a rollercoaster of emotions at some point in their spiritual opening, which takes them to experience all the deepest emotions crowded into their mind as one torrent that destroys everything. I had sometimes wondered why I hadn’t experienced anything like that. Had I perhaps already “advanced” so much on this spiritual journey that I no longer needed to go into the dark night of the soul. Well, I wasn’t 🙂

Once the leader of a course led me in meditation to the Sun, into its spiritual core. I found deep bliss and wonderful peace and lightness there. I had no worries nor troubles, I had arrived. I remember returning almost reluctantly back to the floor of our course hall, where my body lay completely relaxed and deeply renewed. I had experienced something wonderful…

Only just now some 15 years after that experience I realized I had met there my own free and unlimited being, the endless creativity and love within which everything grows and develops, myself. I had experienced the core of my being, the one that pulsates in you as well creating our worlds. That which we all have immersed deep in the swamp of guilt, for we have all learned to fear ourselves, our own almighty and fundamentally unlimited creative power so like the Sun itself.

I was born human to get rid of all the shackles of time and matter, to die for all those imaginations that hold my eternal life captive in this escape room of fear called human life. I was born into human form to die from it and to leave it completely without any karmic imaginations of right and wrong, or of a better life sometime in future.

I was born here to unravel the tangle of time I have wrapped around my eternal being, the imaginations upon which this frightening reality continues from one holy and free moment to another. I have come here to reveal the veil of fear under which I once hid during my journey of creation and for a moment I was captivated by my this exciting play.

Anyone who imagines themselves to be right needs, to maintain their imagination, someone else who must be wrong. Anyone who thinks they are good sees someone else as bad. Anyone who is afraid is ready to hate another over there. And, of course, those others we hate, feel to be bad, or imagine to be wrong feel more or less the same about us. We are all trapped in the swing of goodness and evil, fear and hatred and virtue signaling. We’re fucked up.

Right now that trap is exploding in our eyes. The latent anxiety caused by two years of fear was erupting at the beginning of the year into doubt about the leaders and rulers who guided us into it, those whom we have traditionally trusted to lead us benevolently and for the best of all of us. Even some articles questioning the common story began to appear in the public media. It felt like we were waking up from a bad dream…

Was there peace in the country before the war began? Was there peace in you before before you got afraid of viruses or bombs? Was there peace at all or was it just a fantasy? Is there even peace?

We have nullified and reduced peace to a mere space between acts of visible violence. There was peace before the man punched or the woman stuck with a knife. There was peace before we got scared, ran away, attacked, or curled up waiting for an attack. There was peace before the war began and we gained peace when it ended. Really?

Oh, how I have sought happiness, joy, peace and love! Seen it there and over there, but always somewhere else, in another person or place out there. I have chased the Holy Grail all over the world, in all kinds of men and women, children and animals too. I have run after it like any other rat in their own treadmills, been twisted in my great longing and stayed put even though it has been utterly painful. Just like you have 🙂

I’ve been searching in order not to ever find it. I have been searching to keep on searching, and for my momentary discoveries, and for my ultimate disappointment. I have been looking for what is, from where it is not. I have sought the truth from my imaginations, peace from my delusions, and love from my longing. I haven’t found anything, I haven’t really wanted to find, because I want to keep on looking. I see myself as a seeker …

I woke up to a wonderful peace yesterday. Nothing bothered me and none of the usual thoughts of stress or worry were swirling in my mind. Everything was so simple and true. I had arrived.

I got out of bed, did my morning chores, and described that spacious experience with the following words:

“Once you have broken the slippery and cold ice of your momentary fears, you will fall into the warm and peaceful ocean of your love.”

Yesterday was a miraculous day! I woke up in the morning to a deep feeling of heaviness where both my mind and body felt heavy and stuffy. I forced myself to get started with coffee and did a mechanical writing job. Then I spent two hours staring at a bit strange German-Finnish film (Pako pohjoiseen/Fluct in den Norden) from the 1980s, in which a Finnish hulk charmes a woman who has fled Germany and worked in a resistance movement before the war. The meeting takes place in the upper class conditions and the most beautiful landscapes of Finland. That did not help me…

Yesterday, I hung a stained glass depicting a red rose on my flower window. Its beautiful and delicate figure rises from the greenery of the landscape. This morning as I sat in my rocking chair and pondered upon the mystery of human life and creation by that window, I got a simple vision of how all creation works. Really!

According to the most generally accepted quantum mechanical notion, all particles of matter, from the smallest to the largest, have simultaneously both the shape of a particle orbiting around itself and a waveform extending through the universe. The smaller the particle the more clearly that waveform can be measured. So all matter consists of waves that have temporarily arisen from the ocean of the universe to form a swirling likeness of seemingly solid matter that looks separate, but in the end consists only of the undulating energy of the ocean of the universe.

According to Wikipedia, “a dictatorship is a political system of an independent state in which power is in the hands of one person, group, or very limited group. Dictatorships are authoritarian, sometimes also totalitarian. The dictatorship is characterized by the repression of the political opposition and the restriction of freedom of expression and other traditional democratic freedoms. “

It is easy to to see that by that definition we are living in a global dictatorship right now, ruled by a small group of experts who pass on the same guidelines and views on the current global health challenge to all local health authorities who conscientiously implement those guidelines so that almost identical restriction and treatment decisions are made around the world.