For some time it has been obvious for me that our world is ruled by teenagers in adult disguise. Everybody has been caught up by the black and white, good and bad dualism of a teenager desperately trying to become an individual or something different from his/her parents. Everybody is a teenager in spite of their actual physical age, young or old. Everybody is easily ruled as a reactive mass of people governed by and through their fears.

Everybody is doing their best to better, richer and more impressive than the other. Everybody is trying to be a special individual in a flock of teenagers fearful of not being accepted by others of their kind. Everybody is trying to become something special in their own particular way and all of them end up being the same. Everybody is miserable and unhappy whether they are hiding behind the shiny veneer of success or the shoddy demeanor of failure. They are all the same. Read the rest of this entry »

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer when our daughter was six months old and she died three days before this daughter had her seventh birthday. All the while she was fighting to live, and still moving towards death, I kept telling her that if she gave herself the same love that she gave to her students and the singers in her choirs, she would definitely be able to heal herself. Her dedication to her work as a music teacher was of such caliber; she just gave all that could be given in any situation, she was wholly loving.

But she was never able to love herself like that. It was as if the love that I could observe while she was working was not really for herself. She may have felt that she was not worth it. And for a long time I was really angry at her as she in my eyes refused to help or love herself. Only when her health really deteriorated some six months before her death, did I fully accept her choice not to apply her love to herself and to die. We both accepted it and found the long sought peace in our relationship. And then she died. Read the rest of this entry »

This vision arose while I was listening A Course in Miracles teacher David Hoffmeister’s newest teaching “The Answer to Every Problem” from 21^st Nov 2019. I sensed a temporal timeline of my personal past reaching through me to create my future. I saw my human experience of problems upon problems extending and creating time along which I have kept on trying to resolve my human miseries, fears, anxieties without ever reaching the end. And neither has anybody else done it. Only the death of my body has always come in the end, and my painful past has then been repeated as an equally painful future. The mill of miseries has kept grinding on…

In Finnish there happens to be a saying “Sama vika Rahikaisella!”, which is used as an exclamation after you have done something stupid, meaning that you are not the only one to do so as Rahikainen has also made the same mistake. I am the one! Read the rest of this entry »

Once upon time on a regular grey day I was walking along the main street of a nearby town. The day was cloudy, people were rushing about in their daily business while cars and buses were swishing back and forth. Everything was quite normal.

Then something happened or took place in my mind. Suddenly I felt like I was carried by millions of energy lines touching me from all the possible directions of space. I was buoyed in the bosom of something invisible, something beyond of what I saw and what my senses were bringing in. Read the rest of this entry »

Over 30 years ago the wife of my dear friend was deeply involved in this thick tome of a book called A Course In Miracles. She was very enthusiastic about it, willing to live a miraculous life. I was not touched by her eagerness as I had something else to do…

During the past year or so I have met several new people in whom I have recognized a certain quality of lightness, an opening in the thickness that usually seems to pervade the human mind. It feels as I had wandered through a dense forest hacking my own winding path with the sword of my intellect. My lonely path has meandered up and down through bogs, marshes, hills and rocky mountains and valleys. And finally as I begin to discern an opening I can see there other persons who have somehow reached the same opening. They must have taken another path there… Read the rest of this entry »

I once spent a couple of days traveling with a woman who had been severely abused as a child. I was conscious both of her repeatedly expressed victimhood and my own tendency to try to save the victims that I come in contact with. By now I had understood that I have been carrying a deep sense of guilt, which I had tried to alleviate by saving all the ladies in distress that had come my way. And in the end I had always failed after a glorious beginning…

This time around I needed to find a new a way of meeting a distressed lady. I needed to be present without succumbing to my own “a knight on a white stallion” -syndrome. It was a challenge as the heavy and interdependent roles of victimhood/savior in both of us were dragging us to repeat ourselves, to repeat our past as our ever old future. How to overcome my own past, my past reactions? By now I already knew that I cannot overcome somebody else’s past. Read the rest of this entry »

Just a moment ago I was enjoying our Sunday dinner cooked and prepared by my daughter Tindra. She is 14 and she loves to cook, and this time she experimented with rice and dry-fried tofu and vegetables. The meal was delicious, as usual.

But something else also happened during the meal, something that shook the foundations of my identity in a healthy and delicious way. As we sat down for our meal Tindra expressed her annoyance for it being already so dark outside. True to my nature I countered gently: “Yes it’s dark, but you absolutely choose your attitude towards it, Tindra.” She answered joking that“ as a frail old man close to death you have had many more winters to get adjusted to it.” That is true…

There is a phenomenon of counterwill, which I was recently introduced by Dr. Gabor Maté in his book Scattered Minds. By it he means the will of a developing child to go forcibly against the will of the parent without really being conscious of her own will, which is common in the age of 3-4 and later in the teens. We have experienced a lot of it with my daughter the sole parent of whom I have been since her mother died seven years ago. But still it was good to get a description for it… Read the rest of this entry »