January 13

Yesterday was a miraculous day! I woke up in the morning to a deep feeling of heaviness where both my mind and body felt heavy and stuffy. I forced myself to get started with coffee and did a mechanical writing job. Then I spent two hours staring at a bit strange German-Finnish film (Pako pohjoiseen/Fluct in den Norden) from the 1980s, in which a Finnish hulk charmes a woman who has fled Germany and worked in a resistance movement before the war. The meeting takes place in the upper class conditions and the most beautiful landscapes of Finland. That did not help me…

It was also gray outside, the thaw after the frosts had dropped most of the snow from the branches of the trees, and the brightness of the sky was covered, too. However, I walked to the village and ate at my regular lunch spot. The oven fish was so particularly tasty that I wanted to thank the cook for it. But it didn’t help either…

As I was still sitting with my coffee cup, a friend of mine called. We exchanged news and discussed what would be the wisest thing to do in a world where those who control it are abusing their power and trying to take control of everything and all people. Should we fight those rulers and strive to create new and better models of governance? Or should we dismantle all patterns of control, or fear, in our own minds and trust that a new better world will emerge? The solution was left in the air when my friend had to go back to work, the questions were left ringing in my mind…

I still felt heavy and dragged home. How the hell do I get out from here? I was already thinking about asking my friends for some treatments when I remembered my old way. That is, when I am at a dead end, it is best to stop and let the situation reveal itself, as any reaction in one direction or another will only exacerbate the situation and the anxiety.

I sat down in my rocking chair with two sheepskins to soften it. I sat quietly in front of a big lemon tree and some other big plants that I had lovingly grown for several years. I was left in peace, with no reason or purpose. Just being quiet… and the following words rose shortly:

“Don’t fight the shadows of your world, because they are just reflections of your own mind that you don’t want to see in yourself yet.”

I went to write them in Facebook and returned to sit in my chair. It didn’t take long for the following words to surface in order to be encountered:

“A ruler rules others to control his own fears. Ruler, face your fears and get rid of the yoke of ruling!”

And then after a moment arose these:

“Nothing true ever happens ‘then’, for it is present only in this sacred moment, right now!”

At that last realization, I noticed that my state of mind had changed, something important and real had happened, and all my heaviness had disappeared into the immediateness of this realization. I was alive again, present in the loving arms of Life Itself! What had happened?

Through those three insights, I realized that I had taken up the fight against the shadows of my world, for I had decided the day before that I must take control of my drinking of coffee and wine. I have to take control of those stimulants so they don’t control me. I need to take a firm grip on Life Itself to keep it under my control!

It’s exactly the same, whether I fight the shadows of the world in my own body or in that world! It’s exactly the same, whether I want to make the world or my body fit and better to my liking! The same struggle and the desperate pursuit of a better imaginary future while covering my own fears with endless dramas of control!

My body and my world are both just reflections of my mind. Both develop and become ill according to the subconscious structures of my own mind. Both are temporal manifestations of the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions that I carry in my eternal mind. Both make the structures of my mind visible to me. I can only change the structures of the mind that I see or accept. And only that change really affects both my body and my world!

That’s what happened! That last realization that there is no time in Life Itself and that all real changes happen only right now and never “then” caused a real movement within me. My mind was freed from its desire to rule, or from fear, and through it my body also found peace. And also the gray winter landscape around me was freed from the heaviness of my mind.

In this free and light presence, I can face all the challenges of my world as they arise. I don’t have to try to control my body or my world with different pre-conceived models. It is enough for me to abide in this joy and love and to make living and wise decisions in every moment of this immediate presence creating life in this universe. In it I have all the freedom I ever need and long for!