I wanted to do better than my parents, I wanted to find the truth of what life actually is. Some 40 years ago I swore that I would do it, I’ll make it. Both of my parents yearned for truth and suffered while yearning, and ended up dying relatively young. Both of them obviously had their moments of truth, moments when their yearning stopped for awhile and they were one with the Creation, whatever that is. And now I can see that my description of their life actually applies to myself as well, except that I have not died yet. In spite of my will I have basically lived just as they did, the only difference being in the amount of education and material wealth that I have gained. I’ve still been stuck in the same rut.

Just yesterday while reading a book Gateless Gatecrashers by Ilona Ciunaite and Elena Nezhinsky freely available on the internet I saw the rut that I have been trampling in, the rut that my parents and most other people seem to be trampling in. The rut of thinking that there actually is an I that can do better than another. The book showed quite clearly that there truly is no I, no me as a separate source of my life or of my action. This assumtion that I exist beyond my body and the collection of sensory stuff filling my mind was clearrly shown to be false. The idea of I is based on an assumed sense of separation, which I now clearly see to be false or non-existent. Thus I cannot ever do better than another as there ultimately is no other, just one Life living itself through innumerable viewpoints that we have accustomed to see as separate entities desperatly fighting for their lonely survival and trying to be better than others who do not exist either. What a mess we have thus created!

For sure there is this body, which is an accumulation of earth-stuff gained through eating that has in a miraculous way gathered to form this extraordinary living machine, which can even reproduce itself as entities called children. I have children, but obviously I as an image and a chaotic accumulation of sensory impressions filling my mind have had nothing much to do with the process of reproduction except giving my seed. The process itself is beyond my scope, it is Life living itself. And so is the whole process of Life creating and maintaining these physically separate entities called bodies in myriad of different forms whether they are human or of any other animal form on thsi planet or anywhere else in the hugeness of the Universe. We humans have no clue, not scientifically or otherwise, of what makes us tick, of what is this Life that gives us our own individual viewpoint of a body to experiment with. We have just made an assumption that there exists a separate individual being, the I, in each obviously individual body. Based on that assumtion we have created this mess of a world, where every supposedly separate indiviual is fighting for the survival of his/her loneliness, or separateness.

According to established science every single particle making up the atoms of our body has two different states of being that exist simultaneously. They have both their particle form and their waveform, which cannot separated from each other. Whether we see the particle or the wave depends upon the experimentation we are using. And we can thus only observe one of them at a time, while knowing that the other also exists. A particle is a point of space, where a waveform has collapsed around a nucleus and started to swirl around itself, thus the wave has become a body. At the same time the same wave exists as a waveform extending all through the space and forming an invisible background connecting the body of a particle to the network of all the waves extending through every other particle. All particles are connected, they are all part of an immesurable network of waves extending to all directions of space.

How could we humans be less connected than all the particles that our seemingly separete bodies consist of? How could the something that is creating and running our bodies be less interconnected than all the petty particles forming the matter of our body? Obviously the I that I can think that I am has nothing to do with the running of the great show of life. I as I know it cannot create life, it can only modify and destroy life, but it has no idea of what Life is. Thus we human beings believing in the separateness of our own individual being, the I, have become consumers of Life. We consume life in all of its forms to maintain our illusion of our own wonderful individualism: we consume life of the nature around us, we consume the life of the people around us and ultimately we consume the life of our own body. Thus we live a stressful life yearning for something that we cannot get, and then we get sick and die. All this misery for the sake of a false idea of us humans being separate from the great network of Life creating and maintaining all of its multiduous forms. All of it for the sake of an I that does not even exist.