Oh no! Not again! – How many times have you been in the grips of feeling of having done or chosen something bad, wrong or defective? How often have you been taken by a sudden onslaught of utter desolation, by a sense of having made an irrevocable mistake? And then reacted to it by trying to annul or quit whatever you had been doing or experiencing at that time whether it is a relationship, a job, a course, an ideal, a deal or a company?

Only to experience that same sinking feeling again in another time, with some other people and in some other circumstances… That’s the original sin! And I just learned where it originates and how we can deal with it, to face it so utterly and clearly that we do not need to repeat it anymore. Are you in? Or are you out because these words awakened that feeling in you and you do not think that you can ever face it? You rather choose to keep on escaping and repeating, escaping and repeating…

You know what? After writing the text above five days ago I found myself in the grips of the very feeling I had described 🙂 I had to lay down my pen as I could not go on with my writing. I cannot remember that it would have ever happened before. Something strange was obviously going on… Something new?

I have lately been delving deeply into the message of A Course In Miracles(ACIM) through the book itself and its teachers David Hoffmeister and Gary R. Renard. I have felt that I have found the motherlode of knowledge, the source that has been buried under a huge load of shit that I have chosen to carry in my mind. That is where my insight about the original sin arose from.

The original sin was the first ever movement of separation that we God’s daughters and sons took in our teenage rebellion against our Father/Mother God and its all-embracing Love out which we once arose and what we are. The original sin is the first and only sin and mistake that we have ever made. We have just repeated it on and on again to create our pitch dark hell of illusory separation and loneliness. In our deep guilt of going against our creator we have dug ourselves ever deeper into the shitty sinkhole of our own making. All our immense suffering arises from that tiny mistake repeated over and over again in time… It’s time to stop now:)

Three days after I had got stuck writing about the original sin I was led to meet a woman was living in a deep and constant prayer. We met in a cafe right in the centre of a big city and almost immediately our gazes where drawn to each other; there was an unusual depth in her eyes. Only once long time ago had I experienced something similar with a dear friend of mine who was also deeply prayerful, in contact with the depths within.

After a moment of friendly chatting we just fell silent and remained gazing in each others eyes. Just gazing, just seeing. There was nothing to say, nothing to express but love from God to God, or in God. The only words that I remember from that encounter were: “There is nothing left to forgive here.” Nothing to keep me away from what I truly am, and have always been.

Just some days before I had been to an art exhibition were I saw the mystically alive self portrait of Ellen Thesleff above. Now I could see the same holy face arising through the features of the woman in front of me. This is the holy union and exchange that I have been dreaming of through the whole of my life. I have arrived.

I have finally arrived in the holiness within, in God that I am, which opens my being and seeing to include this holy woman, and all the men and women around me, within the holiness of what we are. Thank you for attuning me back into what I am beyond the seemingly impenetrable jungle arising from the tiny seed of the original sin, or mistake. Thank you for reminding me of who I truly am beyond all the illusory mistakes that I have never made:) This is the birthday of my holy joy and truthful independence that I have vainly sought from the world of people, places and things around me! I am blessed!