As a 3.5 years old little boy I was in a church with my mother, and after looking at the bloody figure of Christ hanging on the cross, I said, “Jesus expects people to come and take the nails away.”

Yesterday, almost 60 years after that statement, I was able to step down from the cross of my own guilt. It was a relief.

My whole life I have been searching for my nails of guilt, making them visible, and pulling them away. There have been many and many have been removed but also beaten back again, because I haven’t always understand what I’ve done.

Yesterday I understood. It was preceded by a miraculously intense week, culminating in the pulling of the nails of guilt I had already envisioned as a little boy.

First, I burned a huge bonfire that we had piled up over a year ago in the backyard together with my son. As I burned it, I collapsed into a deep anxiety and weakness, even guilt, before I found my way through those feelings. I remembered that I am something else, or I am Life itself, which has never had anything to worry about. And I saw the guilt that had kept me away from it.

Then I received the support of conscious love from my friends out in the world who focused their energies to help me to face those shadows that were still keeping the flourishing of Life away from me. Thanks for that!

After that, I got to share Life Itself with a wide variety of people who came to me for a whole week. I was able to remind them and myself of the miracle awaiting for awakening within us all. Thanks for that, too!

The day before yesterday, I spent the whole day finalizing my latest book, “Beyond Fear Itself,” for printing. I went through each chapter and each word, and weighed them all once more, and heard what my words truly wanted to convey, that is, where they were pointing at. Beyond fear.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I sat down in my reading corner and took my copy of A Course of Miractes in my hand. I read the last 10-15 exercises of the exercise section in a reverse order. I found this for example: “God’s answer is some form of peace. All pain is healed; all misery replaced with joy.  All prison doors are opened. And all sin is understood as merely a mistake.” And I remembered.

I saw how all my longing and all my aspirations in the world had been to evade the feelings of guilt I had hidden in the force field of Life around myself. I had reached out for love from my nearest and dearest and for success from my world to alleviate the burden of my guilt, that is, the burden of the imagined evil deeds and memories I had used to crucify myself.

Now I saw their delusion, that is, how they had prevented me from experiencing the joy, love, and peace that has always supported and reached me from all directions of the universe. Only I myself have kept it at bay, I have not allowed it to myself as I have imagined myself to be guilty and useless. Quite a feat!

Now that joy, peace and love is in me. It has always been me. Because it does not depend on any external event, a man or a woman, or an achievement, nothing can ever take it away nor can I ever lose it. I have arrived in the great miracle of Life, the same Oneness that is carrying you as well. Thanks for that, too!