April 8

Can you think of yourself as a point of observation within a sphere of energy? Can you feel the presence of Life within you, the energy of creation ready to flow to all directions of space? Can you sense your own will as the director of this eternal flow? Can you see your human personality with all of its memorized qualities as a series of filters hanging in your sphere of energy? Can you accept those filters of the past fears, traumas and limitations forming all of your experiences? Can you see your past being repeated over and over again in different landscapes of reality? Aren’t you fed up with this prison of your own mind yet? Are you ready for something else, for something truly new?

Can you hear the tone of creation emanating from the God within you, the tune of your life played in the landscape of your life? Can you accept God’s creative presence within your being? Can you accept your divine will reflected through the filters of your human past as the sole source of your personal life, your world and experiences? Just try, give it a go! It might be God for you!

I have found this kind of thinking empowering. Time after time my creative focus has been drawn to those filters of my past, time after time I have found myself living through the same emotional experiences. Time after time I have banged my divine head to the wall of my murky human past.

Only when I have been ready to release the grip of my emotional attachment have I ever been able to go beyond the knee-jerk reactions of my past. Only when I have accepted my role as the sole master of my life and experiences have I ever been able to change any of it.

I understand that we are all born into this world of matter and form with a soul pre-programmed to create a certain emotional landscape. That program is created by the sum total of our past experiences as a human being and can be described as a Flower of Life with some petals of experience fully developed and some hardly open at all. This flower can be imagined either as round ball filling the whole sphere of energy around us or as a two-dimensional flower like a daisy with some petals well-developed and some just partially open.

Our Flower of Life or the sum total of our resolved and unresolved experiences creates the template of our life, an energetic form that calls to us the people, places, things, times and events that best reflect the filters of the past that we carry. This partially developed energetic Flower creates the tune of our life, the song that creates and maintains our personal world.

My energetic signature draws to me people who have similar or opposing characteristics; there needs to be some kind of energetic fit for our beings to make a contact. My flaws – or the petals of my flower that have not been fully developed – draw to me people who have the same kind of issues to deal with. My world and my nearest and dearest match my inner energetic reality. My world is a direct mirror of what I carry as my energetic signature; all the good, bad and the ugly in my world is there to reflect my present being. I am one with my world.

All the pain, all the misery and suffering arises from our unwillingness to let go of those limits of personality that we have chosen to experiment with. Pain is the result of an aspect of our stubborn identity, or an undeveloped pedal of our flower, meeting an experience that challenges it to grow towards full bloom. Pain is the result of repressed growth, of Life’s eternal flow negated by us. Pain is a choice of my own.

Just the other day I woke up very early. I was filled to the prim with the energy of anger, I was angry with my wife. She had said, or not said, something the previous night that had triggered my anger. Or maybe she had done, or not done, something that did the same. Anyhow my anger was fully awakened, I was filled with it.

I knew I needed to do something about it. I also knew that waking my wife up and challenging her with my anger won’t do any good, I had done it so many times both with her and my previous wives that I knew. I chose to sit down in my favorite arm-chair and sense the aforementioned sphere of energy around me. I closed my eyes and gradually withdrew into the center of my being.

From this space of freedom I saw and sensed an arm of energy directed towards her, or actually towards the image of her hanging in the sphere of my energy. It was as if I – the center of the sphere – was giving energy to this image. It felt as if I was being drained of my life-force.

I knew that it was my own anger that was creating all this, and while pondering about it I suddenly saw the resemblance of the word ”anger” to the word ”anchor”. In my mind they sounded almost the same, and then I saw that they were both parts of the same process!

By anchoring my energy to the anger felt towards my wife I enforced the pattern of my past, the filter created by the repeated traumas of my past hanging in my energy-field. I was literally anchored to my past, hanging from my past experiences. I was giving my life a way to something that has been…

In this moment of revelation I also understood that I can raise my anchor, the energy of my will and focus, away from the memory of pain through which I was used to see my wife. By consciously calling back my life-force from the past pain, I gradually raised my anchor and released my anger while still in this meditative state. I was God at the center of my sphere of energy and I had all the power to release me from the pain of my anger. And I did it!

The moment the anchor of energy reached the core of my being, I was filled with a divine peace. I was filled with a joy of presence. I was One with God, free form my human limitations. I stayed in this timeless bliss for a long time; my daughter of six years woke up, I heard her small steps coming towards me, she stopped and soon turned back towards her room. Later I heard my wife also wake up, come into the living-room where I sat my eyes closed. She also turned back, and let me be.

When the process of release had run its course, when I was beginning to feel ready to open my eyes again and engage with the world anew, I heard my daughter’s steps again. This time she walked right to me and climbed into my lap and asked: ”What did you do, dad?” ”I talked with God”, I said and we were both happy with that.