November 24

What do you worry about? What are your absolute pets to worry about? We all worry about money, how to have enough of it or how to take care of the huge amounts we already possess. We all worry about love, how to get it or how to maintain it when we have finally got it. We all worry about our children, about their well-being. We also worry about the ideas and projects that we have parented into the world. We worry about anything and everything. We worry about the future and we worry about the past, and most often we forget about the only moment of life that truly exists, the Holy Now, which mysteriously maintains the Wholeness of Life, and all of our worries, too.

How are you worries? How are they doing? Most often they flourish as they are all well fed by our divine life force, which we constantly direct towards them. As you have surely noticed the time and energy spent for our worries always remains constant. If you succeed in solving a worrying problem or two, the space occupied by them in your mind is soon filled with a new worry, a new cause or reason to worry. So our worrying state of mind is well maintained, constantly supplied with new energy. This causes our body to grow old and sick, our hair to become grey or to fall off. The constant state of worry eats up our living body, it is killing me slowly with its song.

We have many ways to defend our state of worry. We may think that our worries are somehow noble or legitimate, that our worries are for a good cause. We may worry about the starving children of Africa or for the victims of some great disaster. We may worry about the state of political life in our country or for the economy of our family. We trust that we are worrying, or dying, for a good cause and we look down upon those who worry for more trivial things like the next meal, drink or fuck, or for the fate of their favorite singer or character in a soap opera. But the fact remains: worry as such eats away our body, the precious life force maintaining our life on this Earth. We all suffer because of our worries. And we all die when we have worried enough.

But how could I ever live without a worry? How could I ever be a responsible citizen or a politician, a father or a mother without worrying for and about those that I am in charge of? How could I ever stop worrying? ”I worry thus I am” seems to be our motto, my motto. What am I without my worries? What am I?

Can you see the cloud of primordial worry, the sense of worry hanging around your being always seeking valid reasons for its expression and existence? We use every good reason to worry about to feed this invisible cloud of worry. We maintain it in the shadows of our being and we ultimately sacrifice our body on its altar. We all die because of our worries, whereas the shadowy cloud of worry in our emotional body always remains and carries its deadly heritage on to any new body we ever create for ourselves. Our worries just keep on eating our bodies, conquering the life force expressing and exploring itself in this material form.

Is this the life we want to live? Is this the truth we want to express? The truth of worries winning over us every time. If you like it or if you think that worrying is your destiny you better just keep on worrying. They will surely kill you!

If you on the other hand my words have made you worried about your worries you have also lost the game and surrendered to the cloud of worry around you. There is no good or valid reason to worry, all of them will eventually kill you. They just suck you dry like the vampires of old.

So what to do? Where to go? How to face my own worrisome nature? Not by any worry whatsoever, that’s for sure! What else can I do? What else can I be? Who am I anyhow?

This morning I woke up with my worries. I woke up stressed about my life, about all the practical decisions that need to be made. I woke up worrying. There were many delicious reasons for me to worry about, they all beckoned me to give them my attention. But I decided not to surrender to those sirens of old, but stayed observing the cloud of immaterial worry that seemed to be the source of them all. I stayed put with my cloud of worry, with the vast potential that was again looking for a good reason to fight its cause. I stayed with my worry, but never surrender to any of the causes it was offering me.
My wife woke up and saw the worry on my face. She asked me how I felt this morning. I did not want to answer her, because I did not know how to answer without giving more fuel to my worries. I was silent while our children played around us in the bed and finally I found a way of describing how I feel. I told her that I had woken up with a cloud of worry, which I have since observed wanting to see and understand it. This answer gave a distance to my worries, they become something we both could coolly observe. She didn’t have to wake up her worries either.

Soon the knot of worries I had felt in my stomach loosened and I was ready to engage in the joys of life again. Later in the midst of our breakfast hassle I chose to let all of my current worries go, I was not interested in engaging with them anymore. A great surge of joy filled my mind.