March 20

images-2I was happy this morning. I received an article a journalist had been writing about me and my new book ”Alussa on ajatus” for the past months. She asked me to read it, to comment it and to rewrite that which I found necessary before she’d send it to be published as the first article in a new series called My Story.

The text itself was well written and thoroughly researched. I only found some minor points to correct and some short lines of thought to rewrite so as to make the story clearer. I  enjoyed working with the text and spent the morning hours happily engaged with the job. When I was ready I showed the text to my wife, who commented upon the artful way the writer was able to engage the reader with the thoughts presented. Thoughts both high and low were beautifully woven into an inspiring structure.

When I was finished with the text I sent it back to the writer with my grateful comments. My only greater addition to the text suggested by my wife was the story about how I was some 30 years ago was asked to visit J. Krishnamurti’s school Brockwood Park in England. Some people near K. considered asking me to become the successor of this great teacher. After a series of discussions it finally came to nothing and I had to relinquish my dreams of following in somebody’s footsteps. I was left to live on on my own.

I was happy and inspired working with this text. I even commented to my wife how I enjoyed that kind of job. – Later in the afternoon I found myself surfing aimlessly on my computer screen. Just hopping from page to page, from a bit of news to another. I was bored.

My wife came to me and asked friendly how many hours a day do I really stare at the flat surface of my computer screen. ”Why don’t look at me instead?”, she asked teasingly. I closed the computer and took the hint. We went to bathe in the sauna she had prepared, and surely I found her more beautiful than anything I could ever find through my computer. She was right!

I sat in silence in the glow of the wood burning sauna stove. Suddenly I realized how I had once again prepared for myself the ancient swing of good and bad moods. By enhancing the enjoyment I felt when working with the article I created also the emptiness I felt when the job was done. My joy and happiness was dependent on me having a writing job, otherwise I would find myself aimlessly surfing looking for something, or anything, to perk me up. I was a slave of my own good and bad moods, forever bound to swing back and forth, back and forth, good and bad…

Seeing this I withdrew my will and focus from BOTH ends of the swinging movement. I re-directed my energy and life towards the unknown POINT of balance within me from which the swing of my emotions is hung from. I sought myself back to the ORIGIN of the swinging movement, to the CORE of God within me and within every human BEING. Towards the point of being, the eternally moving balance out of which all CREATION flows. And I found the JOY and the PEACE that prevails through ever single swing of Good and Bad emotions I can ever think of and create. I found the PEACE within, the ONE that is the SOURCE of all that is, that has ever been and will ever be. I found the ONE that I AM.

While writing this down I realized that the process took place on the spring equinox, when the whole of nature is balanced before swinging towards the creative burst of the coming summer. That’s where I am as well!