March 28

imagesYesterday I met a friend in town who asked why haven’t I written any new posts lately. He is a keen reader of them and would like to read some more. I said that the latest two had been such heavy postings that it has taken some time to live them and to experience them fully. After it is done I can write some more, I promised to him. And this morning when I woke up I knew I had something important to write about.

When I woke up and greeted my dear wife by kissing her lightly on her shoulders I felt such a new openness and love. I was in an innocent state of bliss by just being there near to her. There was an ounce of sexuality somewhere at the back but the main thing was the love flowing through my heart, the love that for my male mind had been ever so strongly connected either to my sex or to my head. The black hole of yearning by my heart had turned out to be a flowing source of love itself, that which I had been looking for from all over the world from all of those people that I had imagined as the carriers of my heart, my love. I had found my own true self from beyond the layers of pain, fear and disappointment that it had been covered up for ages. I had come home.

My dear wife enjoyed this new found innocence and openness but wondered how come she did not feel anything new or speciell in her heart, she had been feeling this way all the time. it was natural to her, as it surely is for so many other women who are just waiting for their men to come along with their love. Or who are already deeply disappointed by their men who seem to be utterly incapable of awakening their heart and their true love. My wife said that for her the new birth she experienced some weeks ago when she found her own wise and powerful maleness or Gandalf from within herself was much stronger and truly mind-altering. Her heart had been wide open all along and was now happy to enjoy the sharing of the heart with me as well. How many times had she asked me if I feel the connection also in my heart!? And I had been at loss to feel it, but still honest enough to tell it to her.

As I see this powerful process, this spring of the heart, which had it’s previous culmination when I wrote my text ”The Present of Loving Death” has now been fulfilled. The wisdom the intuitively understood has now found it way to my heart, to the whole of my being. The Godseed of my love is blooming in this spring of new beginnings. I am finally whole, I am. That’s good news, isn’t it?